1. A Caring Guy Is a Hot Guy
What do women want? For those who’ve ever pondered this
question, here are 19 relationship secrets. They’re based on the study
of healthy, happy couples and our changing gender roles. Secret No. 1:
Women appreciate a guy with a sensitive side, especially when they’re
upset. Put your arm around her and hand her a tissue. Nurturing is a
powerful way to connect.
2. Chivalry Still Has a Place
When it comes to romance, many women do like men to take a
traditional masculine role. This is especially true in the wooing stage
of a relationship, according to psychologist Diana Kirschner, PhD, who’s
written several books about love. She’s perfectly capable of pulling
out her own chair or opening a door, but if you see her hesitate, she
might just be waiting for you to be the gentleman.
3. Dress to Impress
Styles come and go, but a man’s attention to his grooming and
clothing should be long lasting. It’s important to women from the first
flirtation through the honeymoon and beyond. “You’ve got to figure out
if there’s a certain look that she likes,” says Kirschner. “If she likes
a guy in tight jeans, you wear tight jeans.”
4. Guy Wears Red, Guy Gets Girl
OK, this tip doesn’t come from women, but from clever testing by
psychologists of women’s subconscious preferences. One intriguing study
found that the color red made men seem more powerful, attractive, and
sexually desirable to women. There’s a caveat, though. Red doesn’t make
guys appear nicer or kinder. That part is up to you.
5. Don’t Hide Your Flaw
Nothing captures a woman’s heart quite like a good man who wants to
be a better man, according to love guru Kirschner. “Women love personal
growth, they love a man who is thoughtful and sensitive.” She likes it
when her man recognizes a flaw — a short temper, for example, or a
regularly sullen mood after work — and loves it when he makes an effort
to address it.
6. Don’t Try to Fix Her World
When something’s bothering her, she wants your ear, not your advice.
“Men feel the need to fix things because they are solution-oriented,”
says Kirschner. “But to a woman, really listening is a wonderful,
wonderful thing that deepens the relationship.”
7. Nodding Is Not Enough
Listening is important, but she also wants to know that she is being
heard. Nodding along won’t cut it. When she pauses, she’s giving you a
cue to respond in a compassionate, caring way, says Kirschner. If she
tells you that she is upset because her boss gave her a tough time, she
wants to hear you say, “I’m sorry that work was such a drag for you
today.” And remember: Resist the urge to offer solutions.
8. Women Like the Slow Lane
Guys often want to take the quickest path to sex. But many women
prefer the scenic route. “Women want sex but they get to it in a
different way,” says psychologist Kirschner, who has helped hundreds of
couples achieve a more rewarding relationship. “They want to feel
connected and understood, they want to be romanced.” That means time and
talking and touching — in other words, foreplay.
9. Safe Sex Is a Turn-On
This is something both of you need to focus on, women appreciate it
and feel more protected when the guy makes it clear that it’s a concern
to him — and then shows her that he practices what he preaches.
10. Learn What She Wants in Bed
Women do like to talk to about what’s going on in the sack, and they
want to please their man — and a tactful approach is often best. Ask her
what she likes. Be sure to ask for what you want in a positive and
validating way. “I would really love if you [fill in the blanks].”
11. Performance Anxiety Is Shared
When you have an off night and can’t perform, she feels bad, too. She
might worry that she no longer turns you on and she will want assurance
that that is not true. She will want to talk about what’s going on and
what you are doing about it, especially if it’s a recurring problem.
“It’s a touchy thing for both of you,but talking about it is a plus.”
12. Mirroring Is a Barometer of Love
Remember the saying “imitation is the highest form of flattery”? A
woman often conveys how she feels about you by mirroring your moods and
moves. She may order a meal that pairs with yours, wear your favorite
color, or smile or cross her arms when you do. Mimicking is her way of
putting you at ease and letting you know she is charmed.
13. Your Shirt May Be a Love Magnet
Does your partner curl up in your sweater or sneak into your work
shirt? Some researchers have found that the scent of a man’s
perspiration has a relaxing effect on women.
14. Say It, Again and Again
Women like to be told they look nice, and they like a man who notices
without being told. When she’s wearing a sexy new dress, for example,
she’ll give you major points for saying how hot she looks, especially if
you mention the dress before she does. If she’s looking particularly
attractive, if she has a new haircut, if she’s looking more fit — let
her hear about it.
15. Don’t Fear the Relationship Talk
When your woman wants to talk about the relationship, it doesn’t mean
you did something wrong (well, not necessarily). Kirschner says that
many women like to talk about the “state of the union” — what’s going
right, what’s going wrong, or simply what’s going on. This is a good
thing. An honest, wide-ranging talk can bring the two of you closer.
16. Look Your Partner in the Eye
You may feel more comfortable sitting side by side, but many women
prefer face time — and we don’t mean the latest mobile video chat
technology. Kirschner says that women prefer their men to make eye
contact with them as they’re talking. And looking her in the eye during
sex will deepen the relationship outside the bedroom.
17. Don’t Miss the Moment
How do you know if she is ready to commit? She’ll say so. This is
something that women are often quite up front about. But they don’t want
to have “the talk” too often. If she’s ready and she’s given you time,
the next time the subject comes up, be prepared to step up or step off.
18. Romance Is Simple; Keep It Coming
Romance is something she will always want, whether you’ve been
together two months or 20 years. Flowers, an intimate dinner, a few
lines of love poetry — don’t worry, they don’t have to be your own —
might sound cliché, but Kirschner insists that most women appreciate
such simple romantic gestures and often show their appreciation after
the lights go down.
Recommended: 18 Secrets, Men Wish You Knew
Recommended: 18 Secrets, Men Wish You Knew
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